Is extremely addiciting. I can’t stop reading peoples secrets. Secrets are like drugs. I want more and more and more. But they’re probablly not healthy for me… or maybe they are. Maybe reading others secrets makes me feel like I can relate so I don’t post my deepest and darkest thoughts. I can’t believe how many people are out there, who love someone who doesn’t love them back, or know they exist. I have been there, I have done that. I guess you just have to go for it or forget about it. A lot of times I forgot about it. But for this one… I did. I had always thought of me and Shawn instead of me and Ian. No matter how mysterious and charming and romantic and passionate Ian was… I would always find myself hoping that Shawn was secretly jealous of us. That he wondered what it would be like to be fucking me instead of some other girl… exactly whay I was doing to him. Everytime me and Ian did almost anything I found myself thinking about Shawn. I was infatuated, I was obsessed. I would do almost anything to have him talk to me for just a second. Or leave him a text message so maybe he would think about me just for a few minutes. And then one day… I realized. It had to be me and him. We were meant to be together. I didn’t care that they were childhood friends. I didn’t care that I ripped them apart. I didn’t care that Ian almost went schizophrenic… and is still recovering… over the entire situation. All I wanted was you. And now I have you. And now I am more content then ever and all I want to do every single day is make you happy. I am still infatuated and I am still obsessed. This weekend will be the best weekend of my life. And I am literally crying right now to think of how happy we are going to be. And how much fun we are going to have. I love you so much and I am so happy how everything went. I know you have trust issues because of it… but deep down I think I did the right thing. And one day I will prove to you how much I love you, because I know right now you don’t believe me.
that didn’t end up going how I thought it would. LOL.
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